From Control to Cooperation

When Teni first arrived at Yale University, she wasn’t necessarily looking for God to deeply transform her. In fact, she wasn’t even really aware of anything that needed changing–and if there was, surely she could address it herself. 

Growing up in Nigeria, everyone in her community had some religious background: either nominally Christian or Muslim. While God had always been part of her life, her experience of Him had largely remained in the background. 

Like many of her peers, she carried with her a strong academic drive that had gotten her to Yale. She believed that she would finally be able to reap the rewards of years of hard work at a rigorous boarding school; she wouldn’t get carried away by Yale’s intensely competitive culture, and wouldn't lose herself in the temptation to succeed at all costs. Yet it didn’t take long after arriving at Yale for her to see  that she was more shaped by a desire for performance than she’d realized. 

Throughout college, Teni would learn how to reorient her life in such a way that transformed her identity, her work, her relationships, and how she looks at the future. 

A Different Kind of Community

“I got involved in Chi Alpha through a friend, Mandy, who I met in an art class that I eventually dropped,” she shared, laughing. “I guess I met her and was like, that’s enough for this class!”

Teni would also seemingly coincidentally meet a junior, Amelia, while ushering at a university event. What seemed, at the time, as one of the many random new connections that one makes during freshman year, she now understands as God’s gracious provision. 

She discovered that despite growing up in the  church, her understanding of what friendship could be like was completely different from what she was experiencing in these new friendships. She felt the weight of her significance; she once completely missed her breakfast plans with Amelia and expected to never hear from her again, but instead found herself invited into the older girl’s life and core group. She began to see the gospel demonstrated in tangible ways. 

Not only did Chi Alpha become a family for her, it also became a place where her relationship with God deepened.

“I think sometimes the closer we get to God, the more deeply we understand and become aware of our own sinfulness or brokenness,” Teni reflected. But rather than leading to shame, this would become the very place of her transformation.

One Day to Stop

In conversation with a friend, it was clear to Teni that her commitment to hard work was producing anxiety more than anything else. 

Conceptually, she agreed that her truest identity was as a child of God, but her actions revealed how much of her identity was in her achievements. God showed her that she was worshipping an idol, pointing out moments such as realizing how easy it had become for her to cancel hanging out with friends to study. 

Information about her identity in Christ wasn’t enough. She needed to live it out. She began practicing the weekly Sabbath with her friend, setting aside one day of the week to rest without doing any academic work. 

At a place like Yale, it felt almost unthinkable. Some weeks, she found herself wanting to skip the practice. But as weeks went on, the Sabbath forced her to confront a deeper question: what was she actually trusting in? 

“If I didn’t do work for one day, the world kept spinning,” Teni reflected. “It also forced me to rely on something other than just my ability.” 

Not only did keeping the Sabbath change her habits and shift how she viewed work, but it also reshaped how she understood God. Compared to who she was her freshman year, achievement doesn’t have as much of a hold on her. Rather than striving to achieve or even change herself to grow in Christlikeness, she was learning a new way of walking with God. One of cooperation instead of control. 

“Over the course of my college years, I came to believe that God does change people,” Teni said. “I don’t think we can change our hearts; I think that’s something God does. But we can choose to work with Him.” 

Trusting God in the Unfolding

As graduation approaches, Teni finds herself faced with a lot of unknowns about the future. She hopes to utilize her computer science degree while also exploring her dream of writing, but many of her steps are still unfolding. Despite this, she doesn’t find herself paralyzed by uncertainty. 

Looking back, she sees that so much of the goodness that has shaped her college experience, from her Chi Alpha community to opportunities to the transformation she’s experienced, was never something she planned. And this gives her confidence for what comes next. 

“There are many things in life that compete for our attention and devotion, but only one is truly central,” Teni said with a smile. “Life isn’t about having everything figured out, but about walking with God in whatever comes.”